Gentleman's Guide to Not Sucking, Volume 1: The First Date

I've always wanted to do a  post like this, so I'm going to do a few.

Here's part one of an indefinite series designed as a how-to for dudes 18-30 to not suck at dating.

It's the darker, more technical side of hopeless romanticism, and if you do it right, it might not be hopeless at all.

You'll either find this very useful, remotely useful, not useful, or just sad and hilarious: "That ginger can't go on that many dates"

Anyway, here's part one...

THE FIRST DATE

Step One: Finding a Date

Theres no solid way to do this, but there are some good things to keep in mind. Essentially, there are a group of things that you always have control over. If there is any "secret" or "way" to do this, it's to make sure you're always exploiting the things you have control over.

•  #1: Your Physique: Unless you're in prison, homeless, or have serious health issues, you have relative control over your health and body. It's no secret that physical attraction lords over the dating world now, and not being unsightly is definitely within your control. It's not that you shouldn't be ok with your body, it's that it's not ok to be so ruthlessly unhealthy. Put down the twinkies, soda, and beer - pick up some chicken, salad, and a protein shake. Gyms aren't that expensive anymore, mine costs $10 a month, and sidewalks are free to run on.
• #2: Your Hygiene: I don't have much to say about the basics: brush your teeth 2-3 times a day, wear deodorant, and bathe daily. Basically embrace whatever your mother taught you. When it comes to facial hair, the less the better. You may find that most girls disagree, and love beards. But rarely will you find a girl that not having facial hair is a dealbreaker for her. Much more often you'll find a girl that it is a dealbreaker if you DO have facial hair. My advice: keep it neat, or cut it off.
• #3: Your clothes: Don't wear clothes that boast any sort of video game, company logos, political statements, or bands: if you don't know her well enough to already have a first date, you don't want to risk wearing something that could potentially offend her. Wear clothes that fit well: not too baggy, not too tight. Lastly, know your colors: if you're pale skinned, stay away from oranges, greens, yellows, etc. Stick with darker colors. If you're dark skinned, or tan, make the neons work for you. A great guide can be found here: http://mensfashion.about.com/od/wardrobebasics/a/colortips.htm
• #4 Chivalry isn't dead, it's just different: Don't follow the old ways of Rock Hudson (I know he's gay) and Carey Grant. Don't approach girls at a coffee shop, grocery store, or bar unless you're extremely confident you've mastered the above, and are expertly charming. Nice guys don't necessarily finish last, but neither do jerks. Find a good balance you're comfortable with. Treat her well, but don't let her walk all over you - which will happen if you let her. 

I can't help you with much more on getting the date. If she doesn't like you, she doesn't like you. Move on. From here on out, assume she said yes.

Step Two: Prepare the Date

• #1: Set the Time: Don't set it for any later than 8pm or 9pm. You're not a stock broker, you're not living on in Manhattan. This isn't a guide to get you laid, and if you attempt to set it much later than that, she'll know that's what you're up to, she's not stupid. At the same time, don't set it for any earlier than 6pm, this isn't a family dinner. 
• #2: Make Reservations: Make sure you don't go anywhere crazy cuisine-wise: steer clear of ethnic food, messy food, and seafood. When you make the reservation, tell the host/hostess that it's a first date. They will typically pick a better table, and make sure that you're given the adequate amount of attention and seclusion, and be sensitive to the situation. Lastly, my personal quirk is to make two separate reservations. One at your first choice restaurant, and one at your second-choice backup restaurant for 30 minutes after the original. This ensures that if you and your date are running late, or something terrible happens, you have a backup. 
• #3: Clean-Up, Dress-Up: Run through the basics: Shower, shave, trim your nails, put on deodorant. It you wear cologne, don't go overboard. Make sure your clothes make sense for the restaurant.

Step Three: Starting the Date

• #1: Pick-Up, or Meet-Up?: Always, always, always offer to pick her up - this is optimal.  However, always, always, always respect the fact that she might not feel comfortable being alone in a car with you on the start of a first date. If she wants to be picked up, arrive no later than on time, and no earlier than five minutes early. If you meet at the restaurant, arrive as early as you want, but if she asks, you've only been there for a few minutes.
• #2: Doors: Open all doors for her. Car doors, restaurant doors, etc. If you can't get out of the car in time to open the door to let her out, thats fine. But if you have the ability to open a door, do it. (Note: Do not open bathroom doors)
• #3: Music on the Drive: Play neutral music quietly in the background. You want to talk, not jam. 

Step Four: The Actual Dinner

• #1: Seating: The waitress should know that it's a first date if you told the hostess when you made the reservations. If its a booth, don't sit on the same side. If it's a table, sit directly across. If there is a seat with a view, take it discreetly, don't let her have the view: her attention needs to be on you. It doesn't help you if there's something more interesting going on outside. 
• #2: Ordering: First off, be extremely nice to your waiter/waitress. Most women will see this as an indicator of how you treat others. Order an appetizer. Do it, just do it. Make sure it's something she wants. If she won't tell you what she wants, order something neutral with a small chance that she'll hate it. When it comes to drink orders, let her order first, don't order for her. If she orders alcohol, you can order alcohol (Note: don't have more than one drink). If she does not order alcohol, you do not order alcohol. As for ordering the main course, don't decide for her. Gently question what she wants, and when she makes a decision, remember it, and place the order for her. As for dessert, always order a dessert to share, under all circumstances. I don't care how full you are. If she won't share what type of dessert, just get something chocolate. Very rarely can you go wrong with chocolate. 
• #3: Conversation: Make sure the entire conversation isn't about you, or her. Ask questions, but make them interesting questions. Steer clear of favorite movies, food, music, etc. unless the conversation makes it's way there naturally. Question her about things she likes to do that are creative. Writing, making music, painting, etc.  Steer clear of conversations regarding politics, religion, or social issues, unless you know for sure the passion is matched. For example, if you met at church, Young Democrats Club, or an NRA meeting, you can probably talk about those topics. Also, there's a concept called "Mirroring" used by marketing teams to build subconscious trust with their clients, in which they will mirror their clients' behavior in meetings. Neat thing, it works great on first dates. If she leans forward, you lean forward. If she crosses her arms, you cross yours, etc. A great article for more detail can be found here: http://www.usreference.com/sales_and_marketing/advance_selling_building_trust_by_mirroring.shtml
• #4: Paying: Don't ever let her see the check. As soon as they bring you the check, grab it, set it down on the seat next to you. Don't break eye contact, or stop conversation. Don't look at it when they bring it to you. You need to play it off as if the check is no big deal. If it's clearly a date, she won't offer to pay. When you go to pay, just slip your card in the folder without looking at the total. Tip well, but don't clue her in on the total. (Note: always carry how much cash you think you'll need for the date, but don't use it. Use it only if you card doesn't work. Even if you have plenty of money, things happen, and a backup is always great)

Step Five: Post-Date

• #1: After-Date Activities: Do something fun, but make sure it's in keeping with the tone of the evening. Don't go to a five star restaurant and then go rock climbing or mini golfing. If your date was fancy, I recommend a quiet wine bar, a walk through a park in a good neighborhood, or stargazing. If your date was less than fancy, mini-golfing might be fine.
• #2: The Door: Walk her to her door. The only thing the movie "Hitch" got right was the first kiss scene. If she lingers, you've got a fair chance that kissing her is the right play. If she goes right in without a second thought, you probably don't have a shot at a kiss, but there is always date two, don't force anything. 
• #3: Follow-Up: Text her and thank her for the evening, and make plans for date two, I recommend something active that may or may not involve food. By now you've probably learned enough about her interests that you can accurately plan a successful second date activity.

Hopefully this works for you. Or it doesn't you fail miserably, and are alone for the rest of your life. 

And just remember, the phrase "Plenty of Fish in the Sea" doesn't apply to you if you suck at fishing.