“What’s the point of living if you can’t feel alive?”
This was the quote that helped shape the entire plot of my favorite Pierce Brosnan Bond movie, The World Is Not Enough. If you haven’t seen it yet – stop watching Skyfall, head down to your closest thrift store, and get yourself a copy. Heck, get yourself 2 copies. If you haven’t seen the movie, here is the premise: Rendard is this crazy psycho terrorist that wants to blow up Istanbul to prove a point, and he’s working with Elektra King (who you initially thought was a good guy). He actually had kidnapped Elektra King years before, and everyone thought she hated him, but actually she fell in love with him because Stockholm’s Syndrome is a real pain in the neck. Anyway, Bond figures this out after hearing them both use the phrase “What’s the point of living if you can’t feel alive?” My point actually has nothing to do with the movie itself, rather just the phrase. I just really love the movie. Just, remember the phrase because I’ll probably find a way to tie it in a little later.
I haven’t written in this blog in over a year.
A year ago today, I was happily in a relationship. I mean – happy is me being objective, I’m sure there was general discontent and fights, there always are. But why have an opinion about love and romance if you aren’t searching for it? I had it, so if I had cute thoughts I just said them, rather than find a way to twist them into eloquent paragraphs which, lets face it, are just to get the attention some other girl while I’m single (don’t feel instantly special, this is not always the case – and isn’t now). Right after the break up, I wasn’t going to come back to write either. I had no positive inspiration – all my thoughts dripped with cynicism. In no way did I learn any lesson right off the bat. I was consumed not by constructive thoughts of bettering myself, or that misguided sense of clairvoyance that everyone seems to expect you to have, “Plenty of fish in the sea,” or “She just wasn’t the one”. Shut up. Leave me alone.
I was rather consumed by frustration only comparable to the frustration I imagine toddlers learning to talk feel when adults don’t understand them.
I’m very frustrated by the apparent timeline that exists to get over someone. If you share my favorite television show with me, a now cult-classic, “How I Met Your Mother,” you know of the gang’s opinions of how long it should take to get over someone. Do we identify with any of these?
Lily: Half the length of the relationship.
Marshall: One week for every month you were together.
Robin: Exactly 10,000 drinks, however long that takes.
Barney: You can’t measure something like this in time; there’s a series of steps—from her bed to the front door. Bam! Out of there. Neeeeext!
Well sorry mom, I’m not 100% better yet. Probably won’t be. How long has it been? Long enough, I’m sure. I’m not saying I’m pining and suffering day in and day out. But the longer-lasting effects of trust issues, higher standards/pickiness, the ice cream weight and self-pity/loathing can still linger on. But I think this is fine. Forgetting Sarah Marshall (look at me referencing all these movies and stuff. I should get a life.) talks about how these break-ups give you a sense of invincibility that nothing can take away from you. Now before you go jumping off of a cliff into freezing water, Bella Swan from the second Twilight movie - we're all looking at you, I think there might be a lesson to be learned from all the negativity that comes out of what we at one point considered positivity - and that, is being virtually indestructible.
Physical torture is never something we want to endure, and most of us would opt for emotional torture given the choice. But when we aren’t given that option, and emotional torture is thrust upon us, we vie for the former. As cliché as the phrase “What doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger” is, I do believe it wholeheartedly. A close friend of mine was diagnosed with cancer a few years back, and – praise God, is now cancer free. He did, however, go through a phase of feeling invincible. If cancer can’t kill me, what can?
Well, for those of us that have felt the crushing despair of heartbreak we all know - that if that didn’t kill us – what can?
We might not be invincible, but if our hearts and minds have our bodies convinced that we are, that’s as close as any of us are going to be able to get. What’s the point of living if you can’t feel alive? I guess there isn’t one. Feeling alive is different to all of us. I personally feel alive when I’m doing Jesus-related things, but I didn’t always.
So what should we do? Jump off cliffs if you have to, skydive. Buy a motorcycle. Learn to love Jesus and do all that jazz, that could possibly be the best for you.
Bake cakes and construct elaborate jewel heists.
Adopt a puppy and teach it sign language.
Walk around the coast of Australia. Maybe that’s what I’ll do.
Or don’t.
Do whatever you want, I don’t really care. I obviously have my own things to deal with.
Watch this video, though:
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