Insanity

Sadistic. Unrealistic. Surveyors of the improbable, undertakers of the impossible. Whats wrong with us? Everything. We live for the pressure, the pain. Flagellants, stupidity. Insanity. Dobby the House Elf. Hopelessly Romantic.

I feared I was straying from my original rhyme and reason of my creative excursion. Going back and re-reading everything from the beginning, I assured myself that yes, indeed, this is the musings of someone who is "hopelessly romantic". You know what else I noticed? I'm clearly insane. 

I preferred to use www.urbandictionary.com rather than Webster's Dictionary because I'm, in fact, not a professional and do not care. So shut up, leave me alone. Urban Dictionary defines Hopeless Romantics as the following: "This person is in love with love. They believe in fairy tales and love. They're not to be confused with stalkers or creepers, because that's not what a hopeless romantic is. All hopeless romantics are idealists, the sentimental dreamers, imaginative and fanciful when you get to know them. They often live with rose colored glasses on. They make love look like an art form..."

Well, that was almost too flowery for my tastes. How cute.

Albert Einstein described Hopeless Romantics much, MUCH better...

"...doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."

But Ben, wasn't Einstein talking about insanity when he said that?

IT'S THE EXACT SAME THING.

Upon re-reading everything, I noticed a pattern that I'm sure is shared by all my fellow romantics our there. We never learn from history, but rather constantly repeat it. Emotionally stunted friends of mine fall in love, get crushed, and quit.

"If you were surfing, and got attacked by a shark, would you quit surfing

...Yeah, probably" - Forgetting Sarah Marshall

This makes SO much sense!

Why do we constantly situate oursleves into horrible patterns?

Attraction -> Infatuation -> "The Chase" -> Love -> Crushing Ultra Mega Despair

It would make far more sense to learn from our mistakes, and submit to being governed by the more generally accepted rules of dating and romance. I'm going to try that for a while, actually. So, I quit this blog. I quit writing. Thank you, loyal readers for your continued readership and support thus far.

~le fin.

What?! No.

That would be quitting, when you obviously should. Which hopeless romantics obviously don't do.
But why don't we? What fuels us constantly, to be able to stand up after the most crushing blows? 

Whats the point? The prize is the point. We're so driven by the fact that there is only one thing in our worldly existence that we want: to love, and be loved. 

Love cannot be crushed, or eaten by a shark. It's indestructible. An impenetrable fortress. The adventure of falling in love is one that we can, and should fall down and get up for.

When you finally fall enough, and stand up for what you don't know is the very last time...she'll appreciate that you did, and love you that much more. Broken, bruised, and battle-scarred, she'll treat your wounds like a battlefield nurse. With hot soup and and saturated saltines, you'll forget that trials and tribulations what lay behind you.

Could you even look back? 

Whoever she is, Whoever she may be

In one of these faceless blog posts that I made before – I talked about how it’s impossible to be in a successful relationship and not embrace the notion that you will change. I can’t count how many supposedly happy couples have told me “Oh, we’re happy because we love each other the way we are,” or “He’s great because he doesn’t make me change who I am,” and my favorite “If she thinks I’m going to change for her, she has another thing coming.” Hahaha. Haha. Next paragraph, I can’t even handle it anymore.

Good luck not changing. Good luck thinking that finding someone that’s “ok with you” is the secret to happiness. Let’s face it, you are not ok. I might not be the most well read in relationships, I’ve only had a few and they’ve all failed – they’ve never ended well. I will, however, tell you one thing that I do know for sure: they would have ended a lot sooner if I would have adopted that misguided ideal that I’ve already made clear. People change. People change on their own. People change other people. Sometimes for the worse, sometimes for the better. But to assume that you don’t…or that your significant other doesn’t expect it of you…is just foolish.

Piggy-back on your charm forever? Nah. How bout them muscles? How’s that flashy Mustang? Muscles only hide the inability to string together a meaningful sentence about your feelings for so long, and your Mustang? What is that, 2013? Welcome to 2014, homeboy.

She’s going to change you. It’s inevitable. Don’t try to stop the sun from setting. You aren’t the British Empire (all you history buffs about there…dat Falkland lyfe). Here’s the trick, and it’s easier than it sounds: distinguish if she’s changing you for the better, or worse. I can’t count how many meaningful lessons I’ve learned from significant relationships. Not just lessons post-relationship, but during. Stay in a relationship with someone you truly care about for long enough, and you’ll be far more patient, nurturing, protective, and understanding. I mean, you could also become a jaded, disgruntled, cynical former shell of a human being, but we’ll call that the 5%...well, actually like the 15%...20%? I’m getting off track.

Heh.

Do you ever wish you became a boy scout? Or a girl scout? Always prepared, those guys. You want to know what I want? I want to be prepared. What’s harder than embracing change that you might not really want? What’s harder than accepting the necessity for change as it’s thrust upon you? I’ll tell you. Changing ahead of time, to satiate the requirements for that perfect girl. That apple of your eye. Why?

Because you (I) are probably not good enough.

“Have more self confidence, Ben!”
“You can have anyone, you’re such a catch!”

Also, shut up.

Wrong. Not a catch. It has nothing to do with confidence. It has everything with knowing yourself, and wanting her, and using that as the best motivation on Earth.

When I’m struggling, I close my eyes and think of her, whoever she may be.

It’s 1am. You still have to finish your Accounting homework. She deserves someone who got good grades. Someone who got a good job, to support her and your future children. Who will pay for her dream wedding.

You lean in and kiss her. Who is she? The apple of your eye? No. Some girl from some bar. You know she’s there. Why distract yourself with this random…bar girl? She deserves someone committed. Not committed? Practice.

She wants someone who loves Jesus, do you still? It’s Sunday morning, are you hungover? Are you sleepy, are you lazy? She deserves someone that will share her values.

When I’m tired, and it’s 1am, I think about my future, the job I will have, and the stability I will provide for her – and I finish my Accounting homework. One beer? Delicious. Two? Dangerous. Home, I’m done. I’m not that guy anymore. Sunday morning, I’m there. 

What am I doing?

Preparing. Practicing.

What are you doing?