Whoever she is, Whoever she may be

In one of these faceless blog posts that I made before – I talked about how it’s impossible to be in a successful relationship and not embrace the notion that you will change. I can’t count how many supposedly happy couples have told me “Oh, we’re happy because we love each other the way we are,” or “He’s great because he doesn’t make me change who I am,” and my favorite “If she thinks I’m going to change for her, she has another thing coming.” Hahaha. Haha. Next paragraph, I can’t even handle it anymore.

Good luck not changing. Good luck thinking that finding someone that’s “ok with you” is the secret to happiness. Let’s face it, you are not ok. I might not be the most well read in relationships, I’ve only had a few and they’ve all failed – they’ve never ended well. I will, however, tell you one thing that I do know for sure: they would have ended a lot sooner if I would have adopted that misguided ideal that I’ve already made clear. People change. People change on their own. People change other people. Sometimes for the worse, sometimes for the better. But to assume that you don’t…or that your significant other doesn’t expect it of you…is just foolish.

Piggy-back on your charm forever? Nah. How bout them muscles? How’s that flashy Mustang? Muscles only hide the inability to string together a meaningful sentence about your feelings for so long, and your Mustang? What is that, 2013? Welcome to 2014, homeboy.

She’s going to change you. It’s inevitable. Don’t try to stop the sun from setting. You aren’t the British Empire (all you history buffs about there…dat Falkland lyfe). Here’s the trick, and it’s easier than it sounds: distinguish if she’s changing you for the better, or worse. I can’t count how many meaningful lessons I’ve learned from significant relationships. Not just lessons post-relationship, but during. Stay in a relationship with someone you truly care about for long enough, and you’ll be far more patient, nurturing, protective, and understanding. I mean, you could also become a jaded, disgruntled, cynical former shell of a human being, but we’ll call that the 5%...well, actually like the 15%...20%? I’m getting off track.

Heh.

Do you ever wish you became a boy scout? Or a girl scout? Always prepared, those guys. You want to know what I want? I want to be prepared. What’s harder than embracing change that you might not really want? What’s harder than accepting the necessity for change as it’s thrust upon you? I’ll tell you. Changing ahead of time, to satiate the requirements for that perfect girl. That apple of your eye. Why?

Because you (I) are probably not good enough.

“Have more self confidence, Ben!”
“You can have anyone, you’re such a catch!”

Also, shut up.

Wrong. Not a catch. It has nothing to do with confidence. It has everything with knowing yourself, and wanting her, and using that as the best motivation on Earth.

When I’m struggling, I close my eyes and think of her, whoever she may be.

It’s 1am. You still have to finish your Accounting homework. She deserves someone who got good grades. Someone who got a good job, to support her and your future children. Who will pay for her dream wedding.

You lean in and kiss her. Who is she? The apple of your eye? No. Some girl from some bar. You know she’s there. Why distract yourself with this random…bar girl? She deserves someone committed. Not committed? Practice.

She wants someone who loves Jesus, do you still? It’s Sunday morning, are you hungover? Are you sleepy, are you lazy? She deserves someone that will share her values.

When I’m tired, and it’s 1am, I think about my future, the job I will have, and the stability I will provide for her – and I finish my Accounting homework. One beer? Delicious. Two? Dangerous. Home, I’m done. I’m not that guy anymore. Sunday morning, I’m there. 

What am I doing?

Preparing. Practicing.

What are you doing?