"I don't want him to change for me."
"I don't want to change for her."
"I want them to like me for me."
All of these are very silly concepts. I can't imagine that a successful relationship being one in which both don't undergo some sort of change.
Compatibility can only be so concrete, theres always a time to split hairs on certain things. And that is why I've decided one of the most important factors to successful love is adaptation, and leaving your comfort zone.
I can't even being to relate to you how many times in past relationships I was uncomfortably (although, willingly) encouraged into awkward and uncomfortable situations.
Dancing? I hate dancing. But I danced.
Ballet? I hate ballet. But I watched.
Some could say it would purely be to avoid fighting, but why do we avoid fighting? If fighting is such a problem, then end things already. However, perhaps making the other person happy is just masquerading as "avoiding fighting".
Adaptation will always be necessary to accommodate healthy love. Odds of finding someone perfect in every area of their life, or a perfect fit to you isn't only slim to none, but it's probably impossible.
So my challenge?
Watch terrible movies. Listen to grating music, and eat disgusting food. Dance a gaudy dance, and spend your money on things that don't really matter.
Why?
Because everything else matters.
Here's my take, so receive it with a grain of salt.
ReplyDeleteIt seems that what you're speaking about, and what you're arguing for, is that accommodation is at the heart of a relationship. That's part of a relationship, but it's not the heart of a relationship, and somewhat irrelevant at times. My girlfriend may like dolls and doll collecting, but it doesn't mean I'm going to go out with her when she's doing doll stuff. It's not my thing and she doesn't need me there to enjoy it or just because. If she asks and wants me there, of course I'll go, but I'm not going to fake enjoyment. The same goes for your analogies of dancing and ballet, you should do it because they want you there, yes, but also, if you really dislike something, you don't always have to do it. If you don't like dancing, and they understand that but keep asking you out to dance, how healthy is that relationship?
A healthy relationship involves understanding that you and your partner will have differences, you will have things that are going to be separate. The change comes because you both seek to be better individuals for each other, you want to be happy in each others presence and not simply from obligation. You're not just accommodating, but actually enjoying being at the dance club or ballet with your partner. A real relationship will grow as such, and from such ideals. Of course, none of this is going to be possible if the foundation of the relationship isn't healthy. That means, your relationship isn't founded simply on the "I'm doing this for pleasure" mentality and that you're with someone because of a genuine desire to be with them--romantically and as a friend.
Change will come. It has to come. But you're not arguing for change, you're arguing for accommodating another's hobbies and pleasures, simply to make them happy. There are times when that will happen, but it shouldn't be all the time.